Even When You Love What You Study ... It Bites

As some of you may or may not know (and you should if you're on this blog)... my life revolves around music. I love it. Play it, write it, live it, study in, become inspired by it, study it - and become driven crazey by it all the same. Mostly because I'm a Music Major in school. 

You may think me insane for saying that. Well, you'd be right - but not for that reason. 

I am a student to the Berklee College of Music Online school. My certificate program is in Music Production and Writing. In only the second semester of my learning, I heard the phrase - "Don't let studying music destroy your love for it." Alright maybe it wasn't that EXACT wording, but you get the point. 

Behind me, I have a copious amount of schoolwork to do. I really don't feel like doing any of it. For that, I feel like a bit of a failure. Of course, maybe it's the 19 year old in me, too. Right now, I'm taking a course called "Rhythm Arrangement 101". It's centered mostly around theory, and every other student has expensive arranging software that I can't afford. Don't I feel special? Ha. 

My teacher is nice enough, but I'm failing. 

My first two courses - Desktop Music Production and Music Production Analysis were amazing. In those two course, I earned a 4.0 GPA. This arranging course is bringing my grades down big time. 

Joy. 

In years of music experience, I've never used as much theory as I do in this course. In fact, a working, respectable music teacher of mine told me many modern music professionals don't use that much theory. 

Nice to know...

It's driving me insane. While I took basic theory courses in high school and I've been playing stringed instruments for years - I'm stumped. It's frustrating. 

I'm not entirely certain what the point of my post is here. 

I'm not entirely certain when this schoolwork is gonna get done. It's about 1:45 AM. Thinking of pulling an all-nighter. I'm past a few deadlines already, and entering into new ones. 

But despite the hell I have to go through with this course... I am determined that I will not allow it to destroy my love for music. I won't. I just won't lay down and let it beat me up. I will pass this course (God-willing) and hopefully learn something. What? I'm not certain. But something, I'm sure...

Sing on.